I spent a long time believing that the best I could hope for in life was the life, rather existence that I had become accustomed to. This life was one of mistrust, anger, petty squabbles and death; not a true friend in sight.
My only prospect was to end up dead myself, the oldest junkie in town. With this prospect staring me in the face I made a decision, to give life a go, a life without drugs. This was easier said than done. Where do I start?
Drugs were all I knew. I began to see that this decision to change was not going to be easy or happen in a week, but the seed had been sown so I bit the bullet and settled in for the long haul. After all, what did I have to lose? If this life thing turned out to be no good, I could always go back to what I knew. The standard addict mind set- Leave the door open for failure, because it will defiantly happen.
I failed twice. As it turned out ceasing my substance use was the easy part; living life, something I knew very little about was the hard part. I had to learn how to live. Who am I? Where do I fit in society?
Looking inside yourself at things that have been hidden or lost for one reason or another is a very hard thing to do. Your weaknesses and strengths laid bare, stripped for all to see and mock; but it’s the acceptance of these weaknesses that will eventually make the man and indeed the adult.
I was privileged enough to get involved with the Peer Mentoring Scheme in its early days. The scheme allowed me to look at myself, realise my potential develop myself as a person. It’s taken some time, but I always knew that it would.
I am proud of the new and fulfilling life that I now have with the support and love of people around me. I am now in the privileged position of being able to offer some of what I have learnt to others. I now help others realise their true potential and enable individuals to move forward. I would not change a thing, needless to say, life is better. And as for that door to failure that I left open, it’s now well and truly closed.